the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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