i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
