I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
