At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
How does one acquire holy water?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize