So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
either way he was missing a nipple.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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