I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
