Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
