omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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