i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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