sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
