Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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