just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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