She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
