You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
