He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
