i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
