At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
