And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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