just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
