Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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