Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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