Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize