No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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