it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
