WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
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