But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
