Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She's JV to your varsity
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
