he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
