...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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