ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
