Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
