my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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