I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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