he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
