just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
