I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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