Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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