the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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