Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
