life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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