Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
