Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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