bring money and cleavage
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
