haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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