I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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