Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize