Say something about gay babies.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
