i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Operation Purity has been aborted
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
