Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize