you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
