i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
