hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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