I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
