this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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