pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
