You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
These tits shall not be calmed
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
