...so i touched it.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
