oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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