Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
