Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
