Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
