who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Randomize
