I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
