I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
