you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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