He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize