So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
