my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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