OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
sarcasm needs its own font
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
