No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
