isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Randomize
