Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
