im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
