we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
