just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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