david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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