ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
