So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I met the friendliest cop last night
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize