dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
