i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
