Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
