True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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