bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
