Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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