just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
