Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
