You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
im drinking this country out of the recession.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize