I only kidnapped one of them. chill
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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